well let me start with the one that really gets me
Mirotic by DBSK- Omo this song (esp. the scream) seriously puts me in this OMG mood like it's that song you absolutely want to hear in those I'm so bored moments
also by DBSK
-"I'm Your man" & "Show Me Your Love" (feat. Super Junior)
-"Why Have I Fallen In Love w/You"- creates that sad and questioning mood
-and "Wrong Number" I really don't know how this really helped me it was just a good song
Songs by Super Junior H really helped with the mellow mood and songs by the Wonder Girls and SNSD helped lift my spirits up a bit
- Mood:
chipper - Music:Mirotic- DBSK
So far my day seemed pretty enlightening... i mean it seemed a bit brighter-at least from my perspective. Starting with my outside life, today i was invited to my friend's birthday party (this seriously has to be the first time i've known the date of her birthday!). I know it may sound so over-exaggerated but man was i happy. I mean they actually thought of me. Like can you believe that for the past two years some of my friends have been complaining that I wasn't hanging out with them much. But in all reality know one ever told me about some of the events they were holding. They've always used the excuse of me not having a cellphone- which i do have- and of not being allowed to hang out. Yeah ok! But I guess it's partially my fault since I often chose not to attend. I mean I had a choice not to go simply because i knew i wasn't going to be comfortable. Seriously I'm still a newbie at hanging out or rather just a rookie! Well I hope to change that habit of mine real soon.
- Location:home
- Mood:
relieved
Anything regarding my life and my future right now...i still don't know, i mean everything is all foggy. It makes me feel as if I wont have a future...like my mind knows i'm going to die so why try. The strange this is that I don't really want to die before I accomplish anything. But after analyzing everything I've done this year , i've been thinking that I work hard to try NOT to accomplish anything. I mean i've quit so many sports in the past years, i've stopped striving for the grades I've worked so hard for in the past. I've given up on life and i don't even know why. Seriously in all my life I've never been so damn depressed. I've had it with everything I've had to go through. I am damn tired of being home all the time! God damn this situation i'm in right now! seriously my mom plays such a huge role in my depression! Never in what could be my life-will i ever be blamed, cursed, and ridiculed by anyone like or other than my mother. Damn it! Anyone who reads this blog will know that throughout my life all i that i have recorded are bits and pieces of my anger and depression. I'm tired, i really am. I don't want to go through all this shit anymore, whether i deserve it or not this is shit. I may be a bit over dramatic in the ways that i express my feelings, but they're real and they hurt emotionally.
I really hope that in a while I'll be okay. That when I am away it'll all be okay. that when it's the end i'll be okay. I don't even know if i'll ever be happy enough to accept another person...even myself. I'm really tired. I really want to have goals in life but i just can't. I'ts as if i'm the only one looking out for my future, but really i'm not. So no one is looking out for me, I don't even know if God is...maybe he checks how my punishment is going. Well God I just want you to know it's going horribly just the way you saw i deserved it. I just hope one day I'll know why i deserve it.
- Mood:
depressed
well on the bright side, I'll be attending a Nurse camp next week so at least i'll be able to get out the house for at least a week! man this summer really bites everything out of me, more than Edward could.
- Mood:
annoyed
At first I thought that I would have the worst day ever, as I've lost my wallet, somewhere btw my door and my dad's car. Then i didn't feel like finishing the essay i was supposed to write and in the end only concluded it with 3 or 4 sentences-so unlike an A.P. student. Ah well. Hm...what else, well today I actually spoke to my most hated enemy, Clifford- he asked if he could use my computer, and I said yes(I know it doesn't sound like much but after like 7 years of hatred, it really is!) Well from like 9:30 to about 12, my fellow Optimist members and I volunteered at the Hillside Foodbank.
- Mood:
calm
Well you know the phrase, "Everything has a purpose", well yesterday I applied that to my friends, as we were at the mall. There were five of us, including myself. Two people were my critics, and the other was my "stylist" if I may, and I was the subject in great need of shopping help. I did mention that there were five of us right, well the other person...I guess her purpose was just to annoy the hell out of me!
This person's purpose at the mall I guess...was to apply the whole "why?" times 1000000000! While we were at Charlotte Russe, there was a buy one get one for 10 sale, and we (the five of us) were extremely excited. I vouched for the 10, as i was low on cash and another friend of mine was going to buy the first pair. I guess "Cathy" of whom only wears sneakers, wanted a pair of bright blue sandals and she keep questioning me, "Are you sure your feet fit?" "They look a bit tight don't you think?" or "Are you sure?" To tell you the truth I was going to go black on her(not the race of course, just the mood).
While we were waiting for the shoes in our size, I asked my friend if I could have my wallet back as I didn't trust my coat pocket earlier, and she had bag. After I had received it, Cathy asks "Why didn't you bring a bag to hold your wallet?"
I said " I didn't have a bag small enough for just a wallet"
Cathy: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I only have large totes and bags"
Cathy: " Why don't you have small/er ones?"
Me: "Because i don't feel comfortable with them under my arm"
She then explains how she is carrying a wristlet with her money and passport (identification for SATs) and how it's no big deal, I respond with how I would be bound to lose it or it wouldn't fit well (I have small wrists)
Cathy: Why don't you put your money in your pocket?"
Me: Because it'll fall out?"
Cathy: "Why?"
Me: "Because while i'm walking it'll ride up and possibly fall out in the mall"
Cathy: "Why don't you stop wearing tight pants"
Me: "I don't wear tight pants, as you can see there are wrinkles and its loose"
Cathy: " They wear a belt"
Me: "...I don't wear belts"
Cathy: "why not?"
Me: " Because they're uncomfortable and my pants never sag so much that i'd need one!"
(then an older women mid 30s looks at us like "control your friend")
cathy then goes on saying " You know Sabrina, your attitude makes it seem that if something isn't easy or too hard (something like that) you'll quit" i gave her my own response, nothing catty, just " yes it does" i was seriously annoyed and i gave her that annoyed look/
she then goes on to say " you know, i dont' want to ruin our friendship over something so petty."
Personally i wanted to say, "then why did you go on with your stupid questions?!", but thank goodness the lady came with our shoes, in the end i paid the full price on the shoes and she got the 10. This was out of kindness thinking eh she's been a good pal since before this and by pressure
however after when we were at another place she kept on saying " I asked you if you wanted those shoes" and i was like "STFU" in my mind of course, since i just spent the rest of my shopping and food money so she could get her darn shoes for 10(she had 10 left i had 20 and change).
For me I guess my problem with her was that she really had no business asking me those questions, as we aren't even close friends, not even friends really, she only says that constantly as she does with everyone else. I didn't even know she was coming along with the four of us, until my friend called to say she was. To tell the truth i never knew i would feel so ashamed to have a friend like that who makes older women look at me with "control your friend" eyes. Her questions and the way she resolved it made me feel as if I were the brat, or rather that I knew what i liked and didn't like. And after last night i surely no longer like her.
Can you even believe that she asked me why i didn't take the SATs with them earlier that day! I replied that i wasn't prepare and would rather do it in May with the AP exams when i'm at my best. Of course the childish "itch" had to reply saying I would! I had to shut my mouth, 'cause she just can't shut her's!
- Location:mall
- Mood:
annoyed
Man can you believe it, there's another "friend" of whom I can no longer stand! Her name's Chanel, and we've been friends i guess since like the middle of 8th grade...yet for some reason I can't stand to look or talk to her either. It started a couple days ago I guess when talking about how annoyed I am about a project i was starting. For some reason, we disagreed about how organized a person should be, and like i was seriously pissed. For me i think it's important to know what your friends like and don't like and what they're allergic to,yet she thinks that's unimportant. This seriously made me realize "Oh really? So you wouldn't care if something you made me eat made me die, or rather what i'm not comfortable with?". I guess this is what ticked me off about these main two, that they just don't care. So in turn I don't care about them in a sense. If they give off a whole "who cares, as long as i know" attitude. I really don't intend to keep a friendship with them for the rest of high school, I think I'd be better off, with everyone else or alone.
- Mood:
irritated
well as you can see i just started it...and now i haven't a clue of what to do next. Hm... I guess it's a habit of mine to be completely clueless of certain things, like what to write in a blog, journal, etc. Hopefully next time you view this page, it'll be filled with lots of useless entries!