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Oops I completely forgot

  • Jul. 24th, 2009 at 7:36 PM

 Yeah I'm really sorry I forgot to post the songs that really make me feel a whole lot better

well let me start with the one that really gets me
Mirotic by DBSK- Omo this song (esp. the scream) seriously puts me in this OMG mood like it's that song you absolutely want to hear in those I'm so bored moments
also by DBSK
-"I'm Your man" & "Show Me Your Love" (feat. Super Junior) 
-"Why Have I Fallen In Love w/You"- creates that sad and questioning mood
-and "Wrong Number" I really don't know how this really helped me it was just a good song
Songs by Super Junior H really helped with the mellow mood and songs by the Wonder Girls and SNSD helped lift my spirits up a bit

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Jul. 24th, 2009

  • 7:33 PM

 So...hours after my little rant, I found a great cure- Foreign music! Yep during the past hour or so I've been listening to many different (well not really) genres. Okay I'll admit I have just been listening to different languages (Korean, Japanese, and Chinese) music. Strangely enough I find it very soothing...mostly because I can't understand it. However I truly enjoy the beats and melodies the songs provide. I mean seriously who knew that music was truly universal...so much so that It causes my mind to be at ease, though i do find myself confused just trying to understand one song. Yeah it really helped me out with my  "situation" regarding my mother. Seriously I wonder if I ever became a mother...would i ever be as annoying and "nitty" towards my children! Ah well I really I just want our friendship to end (yes i was buddies with my mother), it's been getting on my nerves way too much and I definitely wont swallow my pride anymore

    So far my day seemed pretty enlightening... i mean it seemed a bit brighter-at least from my perspective. Starting with my outside life, today i was invited to my friend's birthday party (this seriously has to be the first time i've known the date of her birthday!). I know it may sound so over-exaggerated but man was i happy. I mean they actually thought of me. Like can you believe that for the past two years some of my friends have been complaining that I wasn't hanging out with them much. But in all reality know one ever told me about some of the events they were holding. They've always used the excuse of me not having a cellphone- which i do have- and of not being allowed to hang out. Yeah ok! But I guess it's partially my fault since I often chose not to attend. I mean I had a choice not to go simply because i knew i wasn't going to be comfortable. Seriously I'm still a newbie at hanging out or rather just a rookie! Well I hope to change that habit of mine real soon.         



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it's strange!

  • Jul. 24th, 2009 at 8:35 AM

 it's incredibly strange how I've grown up to become so darn spaced out. I mean recently I've been have way too many brain farts to handle. I can't remember much of anything and i've been way too dizzy to stand at one point. I know that there's something wrong with me...either mentally or physically. I guess it's the stress of me knowing that I'm not reaching any of my goals. I mean i'm a high school senior now, and look at me...boyfriendless, unkissed, undecided, and stressed! This year I'll have to think of all the money I have to have my parents spend on applications on schools i'm not even certain will  accept me. I'll have to think of prom, when I know that I wont be happy with the people I will be going with. I'll have to go throught the pressure of growing up, of being dependent something my parents still wont allow me to be. I'm going through a stressful friendship...torn btw what i know i should do...and guess what I STILL DON'T KNOW!

     Anything regarding my life and my future right now...i still don't know, i mean everything is all foggy. It makes me feel as if I wont have a future...like my mind knows i'm going to die so why try. The strange this is that I don't really want to die before I accomplish anything. But after analyzing everything I've done this year , i've been thinking that I work hard to try NOT to accomplish anything. I mean i've quit so many sports in the past years, i've stopped striving for the grades I've worked so hard for in the past. I've given up on life and i don't even know why. Seriously in all my life I've never been so damn depressed. I've had it with everything I've had to go through. I am damn tired of being home all the time! God damn this situation i'm in right now! seriously my mom plays such a huge role in my depression! Never in what could be my life-will i ever be blamed, cursed, and ridiculed by anyone like or other than my mother. Damn it! Anyone who reads this blog will know that throughout my life all i that i have recorded are bits and pieces of my anger and depression. I'm tired, i really am. I don't want to go through all this shit anymore, whether i deserve it or not this is shit. I may be a bit over dramatic in the ways that i express my feelings, but they're real and they hurt emotionally.

I really hope that in a while I'll be okay. That when I am away it'll all be okay. that when it's the end i'll be okay. I don't even know if i'll ever be happy enough to accept another person...even myself. I'm really tired. I really want to have goals in life but i just can't. I'ts as if i'm the only one looking out for my future, but really i'm not. So no one is looking out for me, I don't even know if God is...maybe he checks how my punishment is going. Well God I just want you to know it's going horribly just the way you saw i deserved it. I just hope one day I'll know why i deserve it.

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Bored OUT OF MY MIND!

  • Jul. 24th, 2009 at 8:20 AM

ok so far my summer has been absolutely BORING! Seriously I'm like a 16yr old (almost 17yr old) and here i am sitting here in my desk...typing on a blog i have rarely visited! Not one friend of mine called me to hang out or anything...seriously i'm so out of it.
well on the bright side, I'll be attending a Nurse camp next week so at least i'll be able to get out the house for at least a week! man this summer really bites everything out of me, more than Edward could. 
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Ah today...

  • Mar. 16th, 2009 at 5:56 PM

 
Well strangely enough my day came off as pretty good. Instead of lashing out on my buddy Cathy, I simply forgot all about it and simply moved on, I guess in the end, she was the childish one as she just has the "innocense" aura-like you just can't stay mad at her for too long.
      Well aside from Cathy, I've also made up with Chanel, well not formally at least, but we began talking
 
 
 
 
Now moving towards my summary of the day:
At first I thought that I would have the worst day ever, as I've lost my wallet, somewhere btw my door and my dad's car. Then i didn't feel like finishing the essay i was supposed to write and in the end only concluded it with 3 or 4 sentences-so unlike an A.P. student. Ah well. Hm...what else, well today I actually spoke to my most hated enemy, Clifford- he asked if he could use my computer, and I said yes(I know it doesn't sound like much but after like 7 years of hatred, it really is!) Well from like 9:30 to about 12,  my fellow Optimist members and I volunteered at the Hillside Foodbank.
       There, I saw hundreds of pounds of rice, like four bags with the diameter of 4 feet. After a while of sealing and checking rice bags, I guess I began to get a little clumsy or so, as I couldn't tell the dif. btw sealed and open bags. Gosh I wasted a lot of rice. Can you believe that some people didn't know that they had to wash rice before boiling?! Ah well hopefully after today they've learned to rinse the rice out, preventing and investations or stuff like that. At about 11 or so we went off for like lunch, and guess what? We went to my fave place...Burger King! Yeah that's right all you McD and Taco Bell fans, Bk is the best! There i spent only 5.55 the lowest I've spent at a fast food place-well i might as well start saving with the economy the way it is. There at BK, shirley and I had like a really long conversation, almost  uninterupted. Man it was pretty fun, esp. when we wore our BK crowns.
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There's a friend for everything...I think

  • Mar. 15th, 2009 at 12:13 PM


Well you know the phrase, "Everything has a purpose", well yesterday I applied that to my friends, as we were at the mall. There were five of us, including myself. Two people were my critics, and the other was my "stylist" if I may, and I was the subject in great need of shopping help. I did mention that there were five of us right, well the other person...I guess her purpose was just to annoy the hell out of me!

This person's purpose at the mall I guess...was to apply the whole "why?" times 1000000000! While we were at Charlotte Russe, there was a buy one get one for 10 sale, and we (the five of us) were extremely excited. I vouched for the 10, as i was low on cash and another friend of mine was going to buy the first pair. I guess "Cathy" of whom only wears sneakers, wanted a pair of bright blue sandals and she keep questioning me, "Are you sure your feet fit?" "They look a bit tight don't you think?" or "Are you sure?" To tell you the truth I was going to go black on her(not the race of course, just the mood).
While we were waiting for the shoes in our size, I asked my friend if I could have my wallet back as I didn't trust my coat pocket earlier, and she had bag. After I had received it, Cathy asks "Why didn't you bring a bag to hold your wallet?"
I said " I didn't have a bag small enough for just a wallet"
Cathy: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I only have large totes and bags"
Cathy: " Why don't you have small/er ones?"
Me: "Because i don't feel comfortable with them under my arm"
She then explains how she is carrying a wristlet with her money and passport (identification for SATs) and how it's no big deal, I respond with how I would be bound to lose it or it wouldn't fit well (I have small wrists)
Cathy: Why don't you put your money in your pocket?"
Me: Because it'll fall out?"
Cathy: "Why?"
Me: "Because while i'm walking it'll ride up and possibly fall out in the mall"
Cathy: "Why don't you stop wearing tight pants"
Me: "I don't wear tight pants, as you can see there are wrinkles and its loose"
Cathy: " They wear a belt"
Me: "...I don't wear belts"
Cathy: "why not?"
Me: " Because they're uncomfortable and my pants never sag so much that i'd need one!"
(then an older women mid 30s looks at us like "control your friend")
cathy then goes on saying " You know Sabrina, your attitude makes it seem that if something isn't easy or too hard (something like that) you'll quit" i gave her my own response, nothing catty, just " yes it does" i was seriously annoyed and i gave her that annoyed look/
she then goes on to say " you know, i dont' want to ruin our friendship over something so petty."
Personally i wanted to say, "then why did you go on with your stupid questions?!", but thank goodness the lady came with our shoes, in the end i paid the full price on the shoes and she got the 10. This was out of kindness thinking eh she's been a good pal since before this and by pressure
however after when we were at another place she kept on saying " I asked you if you wanted those shoes" and i was like "STFU" in my mind of course, since i just spent the rest of my shopping and food money so she could get her darn shoes for 10(she had 10 left i had 20 and change).
For me I guess my problem with her was that she really had no business asking me those questions, as we aren't even close friends, not even friends really, she only says that constantly as she does with everyone else. I didn't even know she was coming along with the four of us, until my friend called to say she was. To tell the truth i never knew i would feel so ashamed to have a friend like that who makes older women look at me with "control your friend" eyes. Her questions and the way she resolved it made me feel as if I were the brat, or rather that I knew what i liked and didn't like. And after last night i surely no longer like her.
Can you even believe that she asked me why i didn't take the SATs with them earlier that day! I replied that  i wasn't prepare and would rather do it in May with the AP exams when i'm at my best. Of course the childish "itch" had to reply saying I would! I had to shut my mouth, 'cause she just can't shut her's!

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Friends...seriously

  • Mar. 15th, 2009 at 11:50 AM

Well, you know how most teenagers think that as long as they were friends with a person for years, they'll be friends for life...but i've learned differently. Hm...for some reason the people i've hung out with the most, I've seen them as so annoying, even those i barely know.

For examply a "friend" of mine, Amy, of whom i've been friends with since like 4th grade. For the last week or so I've noticed how annoyed I am of her perkiness and I've also noticed how fake she really is. Amy is constantly smiling at others just to say "hi" or to start a conversation even if she knows the person doesn't like her or vise versa. Due to this it makes me wonder "Are we even friends?". Yet when i think about I really haven't liked her for a while.

 
Personally, I'm very unsocial with people I don't feel comfortable with yet she constantly brings it up stating I need to make new friends, and such. Well I do agree with that, noting that I'm going to college in like 1.5 years yet why such the big deal I've been like this for years and I don't make friends off the bat. One thing that absolutely ticked me off was when she said "I'd rather be social and hated than being unsocial and friendless like you.". I don't know if its me or not, but I saw this as an insult to my character and my trust.  How, for someone who calls themselves my "best friend" say something like that. I do have friends, in fact many. She doesn't see me talk to them much mostly because its hard trying the juggle a conversation btw a prep and lets say a punk, or someone unique. Argh she's just been pissing me off so much that I shoved a medicine ball at her chest on purpose. It's come to such a problem that I can't even stand to look at her face anymore, man seriously I'm starting to think she' s so darn fake.
Man can you believe it, there's another "friend" of whom I can no longer stand! Her name's Chanel, and we've been friends i guess since like the middle of 8th grade...yet for some reason I can't stand to look or talk to her either. It started a couple days ago I guess when talking about how annoyed I am about a project i was starting. For some reason, we disagreed about how organized a person should be, and  like i was seriously pissed. For me i think it's important to know what your friends like and don't like and what they're allergic to,yet she thinks that's unimportant. This seriously made me realize "Oh really? So you wouldn't care if something you made me eat made me die, or rather what i'm not comfortable with?". I guess this is what ticked me off about these main two, that they just don't care. So in turn I don't care about them in a sense. If they give off a whole "who cares, as long as i know" attitude. I really don't intend to keep a friendship with them for the rest of high school, I think I'd be better off, with everyone else or alone.
                                                                                                                             Dkamisweet X(

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Ok i've made the first step!

  • Jan. 31st, 2009 at 10:29 AM

HiHi! welcome to my livejournal

well as you can see i just started it...and  now i haven't a clue of what to do next. Hm... I guess it's a habit of mine to be completely clueless of certain things, like what to write in a blog, journal, etc. Hopefully next time you view this page, it'll be filled with lots of useless entries!
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